I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
