the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
