don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
