This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
