Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
