I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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