Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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