Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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