it was like his penis was on wheels.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
This toilet bowl is my home.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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