this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
