Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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