The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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