I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
