dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
