Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
