I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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