sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
