put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
