We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
