A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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