Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
