I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
