When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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