Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
