i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
