dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
