Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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