I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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