I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
