There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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