I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
