I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
