I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
