I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
