if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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