Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
