how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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