ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
