I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
