No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
