he shaved USA in his pubs
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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