I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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