So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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