I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
