Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
