I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
