did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
