Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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