I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
