Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
