He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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