K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
