no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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