mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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