Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
