everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
