the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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