We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
