it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
